Tari's Reviews of Vengeance Quest

(My replies and comments are in italics.)

Ah, that last chapter took me back. For a moment or so, I almost felt my fingers quivering, jaw set, as it was in the glory days of the Sentinels of Mossflower. Onestrype. Riala. Shadow de Vulpes. All shades, half remembered now, I didn't use to save my roleplays. Perhaps it's a good thing--I was no great writer. But I would have liked to have all these names down somewhere. And I don't think, even if the Wanderers of Mossflower hadn't arisen when I was past my club prime and edging into egroup roleplay, that I would have made the impact that the creatures mentioned in the story would have. Heh--I was Seti the weasel, who everyone still remembers, and if I was also the antagonistic, if "on-the-right-side" Dylan and the kinda kooky Bren, it seems to be the very vermin-ish Seti that made the legacy. All these names--and never once did one of my nasty loner characters befriend a one of them, much as I admired them.

But enough of that! The story, the story!

Incredible. I say this without hedging or flattery. This is incredible. It has to be incredible, because I am one of the most desperately vermin-cheering Redwall writers and have been (as you may remember) from the beginning. It has to be incredible for this, which is written in a very Redwallish style (although it's in the Crimson Badger category--it's Redwallish, but I think it's written better than Redwall), to make me care about this hard, vengeful squirrel heroine. And, you know what? I think one of the main reasons I care is because of Rilar. I could understand Riala's pain, because, in the few pages Rilar was alive, I loved him as a fictitious character, even though I knew he was going to die. I usually have, if sometimes guiltily, leanings toward the vermin side of the battle, but not only did I want Rilar to win, I felt the wolverine's vicious killing cowardice as a personal betrayal. I wanted Riala to get the blasted wolverine back. I wanted the wolverine to die.

So even while the sheer harsh violence of this story is sometimes a little shocking, I'm on Riala's side. Her epic is kinda like the Odyssey, actually--continually thwarted in her goal by other battles. I sometimes get a little impatient, I admit, with these sort of things (Just get HOME already, Odysseus!), but I think I'm supposed to--after all, what is the main character feeling? My impatience lasts a matter of hours--hers lasts a matter of years. I did like the Salamandastron sequence in and of itself, although, is it awful of me that I wanted the fox to win? (I thought he was kinda nifty, forgive me.) The Redwall/Wanderer chapters are essential, however, for smoothing out Riala a little--while we might like her determination and agree with her personal geis, there's nothing hurt by gaining friends. Like that one mouse warned her, it's not good to have vengence be your entire life purpose. It was a brave thing to beat up Riala like that with the rats (occasionally referred to as weasels--but that's an understandable typo . . . rats, weasels . . . ) and to force her to go through the recuperation, realitically, at that.

I do think the story could stand to be longer, should you feel like going back when it's all done and lengthening it, but, again, in some epics, shortened sequences where nothing really happens is just fine. Another thing (and this is also so Odyssey) is that some things are repeated that may not need to be. Her northern accent and its unique idiosyncrasy I could remember the first time it was mentioned, as well as various other descriptions. This is a minor quibble, though. Some parts of the story were almost shockingly well written--you have a good sense of combat, for one thing, and Rilar's battle was unnervingly good.

I look forward to more of this! Yes yes! If . . . you couldn't tell!

Highwing:
Yes, isn't Snowy's "VQ" simply wonderful? I've told her several times (along with anybeast else who'll listen) that it's one of my favorite stories currently underway on this board, and that in some areas (mainly physical description of characters, places and objects) I feel she's actually superior to me in writing ability. Hadn't realized you and Snowy went back together in your role-playing career. Maybe there's something to be said for honing your literary skills in the crucible of the RPG community after all ...

Luvverly comments! All long and well-thought-out and such. Me is happy now. n_n *hug Tari*

I think Seti's remembered so well because he made everyone so mad and was at the root of so much conflict. But I do remember Dylan and Bren, truly I do!

Whee, you actually liked the first chapter. That makes me feel better; I recently reread that and wanted to rewrite it (AGAIN... no, not gonna rewrite VQ again, I swear!) because of all the adverbs and substitutions for "said" -- I did write it nearly two years ago or so, after all... But I'm glad you liked it.

*heh* You liked Zarok too? I thought it might be interesting to have an honorable-like vermin for once. Methinks he had more depth than ol' generic badger lord Firesight.

The Redwall/Wanderer chapters are essential, however, for smoothing out Riala a little--while we might like her determination and agree with her personal geis, there's nothing hurt by gaining friends. Like that one mouse warned her, it's not good to have vengence be your entire life purpose.

o.O You and Jason both. You're the second person who's told me that chapter 4 and 5 are good in that they add dimension to / smooth out Riala. Well, I shall have to remember that. Thankee. *heh* And thank you again for catching that bit about Mark; vengence and hatred and how they consumes a life is the central theme to Riala's entire story; not just VQ, but afterwards as well.

I will return the rest of your comments later; study hall's just about over. Thankee again, Tariii! *glomp*

*time passes*

Okie, I is back now....

"It was a brave thing to beat up Riala like that with the rats (occasionally referred to as weasels--but that's an understandable typo . . . rats, weasels . . . ) and to force her to go through the recuperation, realitically, at that."

O.O Did I actually say weasels in there?!? Ack!! *runs to fix it... after replying anyway* Yah, the recuperation thing was actually quite easy to write; I had to go through the same thing (though it took MUCH less time and to a FAR lesser degree) after knee surgery, so I tried to make it as realistic as possible. Glad it worked; sometimes I was worried that it might be too long for that to heal, or too short a time...

"I do think the story could stand to be longer, should you feel like going back when it's all done and lengthening it"

Eeeeerk! Write *more*? But I have so many other projects after VQ...! *heh* Lengthened in what way--add more adventures? More detail? I don't know what I'd do to lengthen it except to frustrate you with more of those Odyssey sidequests you complained about.

"Another thing (and this is also so Odyssey) is that some things are repeated that may not need to be. Her northern accent and its unique idiosyncrasy I could remember the first time it was mentioned, as well as various other descriptions."

*eheh* I reread the first few chapters of VQ a couple days ago (found them printed out while I was cleaning my much-neglected room and sat down to read) and I noticed that as well. I'll certainly remember not to mention it again -- the first couple chapters were written a year, even two years ago.

"Some parts of the story were almost shockingly well written--you have a good sense of combat, for one thing, and Rilar's battle was unnervingly good."

o_o You like my battle scenes? You liked *Rilar's* battle scene? Erk! Strangeness. I hate writing battle scenes, and I just got a complaint recently that Rilar's battle scene was too summarized and such. Huh.

Methinks I respect your opinion more though. *gryn*

*hugs da Tari-plushie* Thankee again for the nice commentses

Tari to Highwing: It is uber nifty. And Snowspine and I, in a sense, do go waaaaaay back--even if I was always the antagonist. Roleplay does help hone yer skills, but I'm first to admit, "real-time" roleplay (messageboard with chat activity), even though it's more fun, is usually a huge waste of time--it can take two hours to get a page or less done and the speed of the story sometimes prompts a lot of useless angst and careless writing. One reason why I'm mostly retired . . .

Tari to Snowspine: To think I was hired by Lilac to cause all that trouble (sulks). Next time, I'm checking my contract! Good times (Oh, and Seti is female, heh heh, and you're not the first or tenth to refer to her as male--I think I made some mistakes there)

Zarok rocked. Hee hee.

Your Riala injury sequence actually sounded like personal experience. Most people either don't know or don't pay attention to those details. That muscles do loose their tone when not used, that you can't walk on a broken leg no matter how cool you are, and that you can't do fun things in the mean time. I think your portrayal was just right--long enough for me to feel Riala's angst to get out of there, but not long enough to be tedious.

As far as lengthening it, I did mean more detail, but for goodness sakes, don't go back and lengthen it if you don't want to! Heh heh! It works as it is--Tari is thinking of her own penchant to drag things out--it possibly would ruin it if you followed her advice. I just wanted to get a better sense, I think, of some of the minor characters (can't think of which ones).

As for the length-of-time written-ago, totally understood. (Tari will never never put up anything she wrote a few years ago, herself) It's still very good. My editor sense just forces me to mention those thingies.

I LOVED Rilar's battle sequence, because it was so emotive! There might not have been play by play "Rilar slashes the wolverine's arm who does this and this and grunts this and this" but the feel of it was great--to me, that's more important. It was more important for me to feel Rilar's tension than to know scientifically what he was doing. And sometimes, things go unnoticed. I have one happy story which I'm working on where someone's foot gets . . . amputated (yes, I DO do that a lot) and he doesn't even notice for another paragraph or so. Extreme case, but . . . things are muddied in battle in general. I thought the way you told it was great.

You're veeerrra welcome! Great fun to read!

[after a later update]

Fan. Tas. Tic.

Kiern is a wonderful character. I'm tempted to say that he's everything you wouldn't expect in a captain of the guard, but everything you'd actually want. He's a very human (er, stoat) character -- his beliefs don't seem to coincide at all with Longclaws and his conscience is constantly muttering at him and he only stays on from a geniune love for the wolverine that employs him. His loyalty is pure. The idea of ever double-crossing Longclaws can't even occur to him on a personal level. He may not like Longclaws' methods at all, particularly lately, but he disallows himself not to like them. He disassociates his feelings immediately. He has this automatic "safety" on his will. "That's not what I would do . . . but it doesn't matter. The end." Pure loyalty.
But he's also a very good man. There seemed to be an edge of grief, almost, to his rebuke of Stormsong (who he seems to like) when Stormsong points out that everything Kiern is doing at the moment goes against Kiern's personality, his honor, his everything. Kiern refuses to discuss it. Many characters would, however loosely. Kiern calculates his threat -- he doesn't want to hurt Stormsong, but he does want the weasel to shut up. The weasel's observations hurt him . . . more the weasel's observations about Longclaws than about himself.

I love the set up of the horde, the tension, the friendship between Longclaws and Kiern, and the friendship between Kiern and Skyfire. The tactics are brutal, and I'm tempted to think it's Kiern's tormented thoughtfulness that makes them work. He thinks "too much" but in thinking constantly, re-evaulating, self editing, he's a better commander.